I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
