it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
