me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
