remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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