the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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