I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
