Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
