I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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