You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
