There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
