I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize