I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
