Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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