my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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