return my video game
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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