They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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