I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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