Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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