see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it because I queefed?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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