U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
