I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
