It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
