is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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