Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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