1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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