Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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