I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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