I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
