Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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