I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize