After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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