I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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