He kissed a someone with a penis
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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