dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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