Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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