I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
