do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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