bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
