It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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