The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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