It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
