oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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