was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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