You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
