I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
either way he was missing a nipple.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
