Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just pynch a tree in the face
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
