Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
