He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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