is your mom at the bar?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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