Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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