i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
