you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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