I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
PANTIES FOUND
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
