u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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