He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
