if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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