How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
