Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
