Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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