so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is it penis luge time yet?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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