I puked a lego.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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