Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
