I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dicks are not precious.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
