Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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