She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
